Myshuno! 2012 Prompt: “‘A LITTLE drunk?!...’” (402 words)

[esmeiolanthe]

The prompt for this story was “‘A LITTLE drunk?! You tried to ride home on a coatrack!’,” submitted by fuzzy_spork. This story fits into the upcoming chapter of Jack Point’s Home for Pedestrian Playables, but is guaranteed not-spoilery.

Rating: PG-13, for alcohol references and crude language



Dramatis Personae
Abhijeet Fuchs, half-Vulcan brujo, and boyfriend to the playable in an asylum challenge.
Cat, his (talking) cat.

Setting
Abhijeet’s apartment above the shop.

ABHIJEET: Ow…
CAT: Oh good, you’re up.
ABHIJEET: Unh…?
CAT: You’re awake. Feed me.
(Abhijeet smacks his lips experimentally)
ABHIJEET: Did something die in my mouth?
CAT: No, but you did york up in my litter box.
ABHIJEET: I did? Whoa. (blinks muzzily) Sorry.
CAT: Oh, we’re even. I crapped in your shoes. Are you going to feed me now, or what?
ABHIJEET: Huh?
CAT: You. Food. Me. Now. Lanthee Panthee, if you’re not going to listen, you enchanted me to speak why, exactly?
ABHIJEET: Can’t it wait?
CAT: I am a cat, and my word is law. No, it cannot wait. NOW!
(Abhijeet attempts to sit up and ends up on the floor)
ABHIJEET: Sorry, I – (tries to stand and falls) I, uh – (looks down and realizes that his efforts are severely hampered by the fact that he is apparently wearing an ankle-length leather duster as a pair of pants) Oh. Right. (disentangles his legs from the arms of the coat, not without difficulty) I think I might have gotten a little drunk last night…
CAT: A LITTLE drunk?! You tried to ride home on a coatrack!
ABHIJEET (vaguely): Is that what it was? I thought it was a little heavy for a broom.
CAT: It was a COATRACK. A wall-mounted coatrack. You left it on the balcony. (as Abhijeet totters towards it) Not that way, you idiot! The kitchen is THIS way!
ABHIJEET: Sorry.
CAT: Was it over some girl again? I keep telling you, find ’em –
ABHIJEET: – And forget ’em, yeah. (takes down a can of cat food) But I can’t. (gets out the can opener and places it next to the cat food) And I don’t want to. (sniffles and rubs his eyes) I’m pretty sure I lo – lo – love her.
CAT: No! Don’t cry!
(Abhijeet sits down with a thump and begins to bawl)
ABHIJEET: I love her and she won’t let me help her with the wings and she’s stuck in that horrible horrible place and she’s going to get old and die and I’ll lose her, I’ll lose her!
CAT (disgustedly): You’re STILL drunk. (louder) Hey, stop crying! You have to work the can opener! (as Abhijeet bawls harder and pulls him close) No! No cuddles! Food! Now! (struggles ineffectively) Frammit! (gives up and mutters, as he begins to purr soothingly) Fine, but only because I don’t have opposable thumbs.

Comments

[tatdatcm.livejournal.com]

Of course the cat is in charge. :)

[esmeiolanthe.livejournal.com]

Naturally! :)

[superfr0g.livejournal.com]

Oh, drunken escapades xD It was a lot of fun to read, and I love the attitude of the cat xD

[esmeiolanthe.livejournal.com]

Do I write drunk okay? I've never actually gotten to that point...

Cats have that attitude generally, I think. They are the only animal to have domesticated themselves, which means that as a species they made the choice to act in a way we liked so that they could get in on a good thing. You can still tell. :P

Glad you enjoyed it! :D

[fuzzy-spork.livejournal.com]

This was the most hilarious thing I've read in forever. XD LOVED IT!

[esmeiolanthe.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad to hear it, because I LOVED the prompt and couldn't wait to get started. Thank you for such a fun idea! :D

[mzyra.livejournal.com]

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, poor Abhijeet :(
But Cat sounds exactly how most cats probably would in this situation if they could talk :P

[esmeiolanthe.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, I intend to have the playable win her asylum challenge!

Yeah, I think cats are pretty self-centered like that. :P Glad you enjoyed it! :)

[katrisims.livejournal.com]

I felt for poor Abhijeet, but at the same time I couldn't help laughing aloud at his coatrack. And the cat. :D

[esmeiolanthe.livejournal.com]

Thank Fuzzy for the coatrack -- I sure do! :) I'll take credit for Cat, but not too much, since I think cats are basically all like that. Glad you enjoyed it! :)

PS: I'm going to get the playable to win her asylum challenge, you see if I don't!

[katmiesterk8.livejournal.com]

This is hilarious! :D

[esmeiolanthe.livejournal.com]

Glad you enjoyed it! I aim to please. :D

[amylu1988.livejournal.com]

:D Yay, he loves her!

Cat's attitude is hilarious, will both Abhijeet and Cat be in the stories after the asylum is finished? :)

And as to the comment above, you write drunk very well, it was brilliantly funny!

[esmeiolanthe.livejournal.com]

She deserves some love. *pets Leila* Abhijeet and Cat will be in the stories after the asylum if /I/ have anything to say about it! (And I don't think that either Abhijeet or Leila will fight me too hard on that one.)

Oh, what a relief! I always worry about writing stuff I haven't experienced myself... Glad it worked!

Thanks for reading! :D