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esmeiolantheThe prompt for this story was “‘I see no objection to stoutness, in moderation’ (G&S)” submitted by penguingirl03. This story fits into Chapter 17 of Ruth’s (un)Officially Wacky Boolprop Challenge.
Rating: PG for suggestive material
Dramatis Personae
Old Adam Shankel, Victorian enthusiast and possessor of an excellent handlebar mustache.
Myrna Shankel, his wife.
Setting
Old Adam and Myrna’s bathroom. Old Adam is shaving while Myrna is weighing herself.
MYRNA: Aaaargh! Up five pounds! I’m going to have to go on a diet!
OLD ADAM: (pausing in his shaving) Why?
MYRNA: Because I’m up five pounds! I’m fat!
OLD ADAM: Hardly. You are no more than thirty pounds over the weight listed in the height-weight tables for a woman of your stature. (begins shaving again) “Fat” would be more than one hundred and fifty pounds over that weight. At most, you are plump.
MYRNA: Oh, I left “plump” behind long ago. I’m rapidly approaching “stout.”
OLD ADAM: (rinsing the razor) I see nothing wrong with stoutness, in moderation. “Stout” can run for quite some time before it becomes “solid.” (resumes shaving) And “stout” increases your bust most interestingly.
MYRNA: It does not!
OLD ADAM: Dearest, I have made quite the study of your bosoms, and I assure you that your cup size increases in proportion to the rest. (rinses the razor) And I suggest that I am a better judge of precisely how interesting your bosoms are. (wipes the last traces of shaving cream off with a towel) I would be glad to show you just how interesting after the school bus has come for the girls. (flicks the towel at Myrna so it gently hits her backside)
MYRNA: (jumps, with a delighted squeal) Naughty!
OLD ADAM: Quite naughty indeed. But not, I hope, barbaric. (peers in the medicine cabinet) On which topic, have you seen my mustache wax?
Rating: PG for suggestive material
Dramatis Personae
Old Adam Shankel, Victorian enthusiast and possessor of an excellent handlebar mustache.
Myrna Shankel, his wife.
Setting
Old Adam and Myrna’s bathroom. Old Adam is shaving while Myrna is weighing herself.
MYRNA: Aaaargh! Up five pounds! I’m going to have to go on a diet!
OLD ADAM: (pausing in his shaving) Why?
MYRNA: Because I’m up five pounds! I’m fat!
OLD ADAM: Hardly. You are no more than thirty pounds over the weight listed in the height-weight tables for a woman of your stature. (begins shaving again) “Fat” would be more than one hundred and fifty pounds over that weight. At most, you are plump.
MYRNA: Oh, I left “plump” behind long ago. I’m rapidly approaching “stout.”
OLD ADAM: (rinsing the razor) I see nothing wrong with stoutness, in moderation. “Stout” can run for quite some time before it becomes “solid.” (resumes shaving) And “stout” increases your bust most interestingly.
MYRNA: It does not!
OLD ADAM: Dearest, I have made quite the study of your bosoms, and I assure you that your cup size increases in proportion to the rest. (rinses the razor) And I suggest that I am a better judge of precisely how interesting your bosoms are. (wipes the last traces of shaving cream off with a towel) I would be glad to show you just how interesting after the school bus has come for the girls. (flicks the towel at Myrna so it gently hits her backside)
MYRNA: (jumps, with a delighted squeal) Naughty!
OLD ADAM: Quite naughty indeed. But not, I hope, barbaric. (peers in the medicine cabinet) On which topic, have you seen my mustache wax?
